The Vilifying of Michael Phelps

Here we go again with another off target mainstream reaction by everybody who is stupid but me to a minor mistake by a public figure.

I did some research on Michael Phelps and found out that he is the world’s greatest athlete in history, winning 14 gold medals after dedicating his entire lifetime to the pursuit of excellence.  In doing so he had to forgo the normal rites of passage of all his peers, including activities related to bongs.

Now that he wants to blow off a little steam, he is a “Finding Nemo” clownfish among the party hardened peers of his generation.  Of course it was a mistake for him to do something like that in public as he is a public figure.  He should have done it in a car.  But should it cost him $4 million in endorsements, trash his legacy, earn him a suspension, and have him subject to the ladies on “The View” using it as contention that marijuana is a gateway drug to performance enhancers?

While I’m at it, who are the ladies on “The View” to be passing any kind of judgment on Michael Phelps?  What exactly have they accomplished in their lives that would qualify them to do such a thing?  Appear on Survivor and marry a third string NFL quarterback?  Overcome a speech impediment and interview famous people?  It’s a joke really.  They need to back off this one and look in the mirror.

What is wrong with all you people other than me that you have to be such player hating fools?  Which of us showed up for 16 consecutive years at 5 AM to endure gruelling physical training, culminating in carrying the weight of expectation of an entire nation on their shoulders in front of an entire planet full of player haters and still pull through, sometimes by a fingernail?

Phelps trashers should be ashamed of themselves.  They won’t put the effort in to accomplish something great as Phelps has, but trash him as a crutch to feel better about their own lack of success in life.

If anyone should be vilified it should be the fools who took the photo, and the clowns that posted it.  Trust me, because I am so much smarter than everyone else it was a really big deal when the cool kids at my high school got me drunk at lunch, and I was shocked at how eager they were to let everybody at school know they corrupted me.  I didn’t realize that was a desirable action in others.  Again, my monstrous emotional intelligence allowed me to let that slide, but I wasn’t a public figure outside the high school, where I sort of was because of skipping a grade (this time due to my enormous academic intelligence).  So on a minute fractional scale I can empathize with Phelps plight.

But the fools who will never know the limelight of Phelps fantastic world famous achievement can only feed in his glow by being famous themselves as “the guy who took the photo” and “the guy who posted it on the web”.  And by vilifying Phelps we (I mean you, those who are dumber than me) are actually enabling this type of behavior to continue.

“Hey baby, seen the Michael Phelps bong picture?  My cousin knows the guy who took that picture”  Do you see what you have created with your heavy handed, hypocritical and foolish reaction?

Reinstate Michael Phelps to the swim team, give him back his endorsements and lets make a statement that reflects emotional maturity to minor lapses in judgment, and not be blackmailed by the wannabe, player hating amateur papparazi of the world.

Dude, where’s my flying car?

When I was growing up, based on scientific calculations I did from extrapolating theoretical future technology from old science fiction movies and estimating their arrival date, we are about 10 years behind on the flying car.

Flying car was a birthright I was practically promised as a child, yet I seem to be the only one ticked off that they are not a mainstream commodity.  Whenever I bring it up, I always get strange looks, eye rolling, and head shaking, like I’m the idiot or something.

Case in point, I was at a sales call with one of my reps that was going nowhere at an auto dealership.   Auto dealerships, btw, are the worst customers for ANYTHING, they want everything yesterday and for nothing.  On the service side, after getting routinely beat up by customers who own them through the power of financially dependant CSI calls, they salivate at the prospect of degrading vendor salespeople to get even with humanity.  On the sales side, beating people in negotiations is their badge of honor, what they brag to each other about when you leave.  So if you want to sell anything to a car dealership, let them think they are humiliating and screwing you.  But I digress.

Anyway the sale was going nowhere, so to break the ice I brought up the concept of the flying car to the service manager.  Of course he 1. rolled his eyes at me 2. shook his head and 3. looked at me like I was an idiot.  “The thing you don’t understand” he said, which is a crazy thing to say to the guy who understands everything, “is that some of those cars are going to fall out of the sky”.  Oh my, my big juicy chess club brain never envisioned the concept that gravity would have on mechanical failure!  Oh well, back to the drawing board for me I guess!  Actually he mostly did that because the rep had big boobs, and it was a desperate attempt on his part to show her he was the alpha male in the room, which of course, he was not.

Everybody is stupid but me.  If we had flying cars, what difference does it make if a few fell out of the sky.  I looked it up, and there are reported cases of incidents associated with vehicular land travel as it is.  If you don’t believe me, look out the window when you are driving, or pick up a newspaper, or listen to the radio on your drive to work, it’s really up to you.

I did some additional research, and it always turns out that cars that fly are super cool, would be incredibly fun to travel in, and good for dates because girls like to be scared and it bonds them to the person who is around them when they are scared.

Still need more?  With flying cars think how many man hours of productivity and leisure would be saved by not being in traffic.  Think how much money would be saved by civic, state and federal government on not having to maintain and upgrade the road infrastructure.  That system is broken anyway, how many times do you see five people watching one guy work, and what’s the deal with the guy/gal who holds the slow/stop sign?  That’s work that is moving us forward as a civilization.

Unfortunately, everybody is stupid but me, and nobody is out there insisting on flying cars like I am, because they don’t get it and even it they do, their ego orientations can’t take the humiliation of being snickered at like I can.  Though I don’t blame them, you have to be really exceptionally awesome to put up with that for a good cause…

The Vilifying of Christian Bale

If you haven’t already heard by now, and if you haven’t it is further evidence I am smarter than you, Christian Bale is being vilified in the media for his appropriate response to a light technician walking into his line of sight on the set of the new Terminator.

Truly it was a rant of beauty with 37 f-bombs dropped in, none of which were gratituous.

Now he is being vilified by the media and bloggers everywhere, most of whom think they are participating in the villification of Christian Bale, but if they were as smart as me they would know the correct term is “vilifying”.

Everybody is stupid but me.   The last time I checked, one of the perks of being a $20 million a picture movie star carrying $400 million production on your shoulders is being able to say and do whatever you want on a movie set.  Also the last time I checked, being really good looking and talented with 3% body fat plus paying your dues in the highly competitive “would eat most normal people alive” entertainment world comes with benefits of the “fight for the right to party” variety.

I looked it up too, and professional light technicians are supposed to know that walking into a performers line of sight is a major mistake.  I volunteer as a house manager for the non-profit Idaho Dance Theater and I got lit up by a choreograher because one of my ushers allowed some patrons to walk across the back of the house while the performance was under way.  But I took full responsibility, like a man, and shrugged it off with a mere “Oh those crazy tempermental artists”.  Not just because I am smarter than everybody in IQ, but my emotional intelligence tips the upper limits of the chart as well.

Do the math, $20 million/picture movie stars earn at least 30 f-bombs per rant when speaking to $70,000/year light technicians who do stupid things that mess with their $20 million performances in $400 million movies.  Actually, don’t do the math, I did it and it checks out.

The guy got what was coming to him, and smarter still, it is highly unlikely he will ever screw up like that on a Christian Bale movie set again.  Which was the point of the short interval coaching session Bale provided him.

Bravo Christian Bale, if I couldn’t be me which I would absolutely hate, you just earned yourself a spot on the short list of other people I would be willing to be, thanks to your brilliant and highly appropriate rant.